we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
