Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
