their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
