I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize