you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We need to rekindle our bromance
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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