I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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