Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
