You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
