How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
