He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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