I hate your face
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
