Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
