I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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