I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
