Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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