Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
