note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
