I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
