i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
