The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
