its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
