Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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