Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
