He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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