Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
