Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
