He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
