it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
