i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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