I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
