just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
