He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
