D3 body, D1 cock
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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