The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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