I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize