You work out of a Hotel?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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