so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
