i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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