Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
