so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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