I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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