I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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