So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
