My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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