im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
