so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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