I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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