i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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