I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So apparently I’m into choking now
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