..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
