I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I supernannyed him into submission
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
