life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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