my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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