Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
