I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
