We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
