there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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