3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
