Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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