I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My vagina is very pro this idea
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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