Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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