I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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