So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I love having hate sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
