we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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