Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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