Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.