puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!