Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
