you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?