Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.