haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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