I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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