It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
