omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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