He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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