do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
