Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
