Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
