We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
