Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
