I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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