at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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