i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
