Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
