I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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