i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
