Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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