I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
