someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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