Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
